www.jackbenny.org

by **River Phoenix** » Sat Mar 11, 2006 7:20 pm

I'll post a line, and you write back what Jack would say. Then you can post a line of your own, which can either continue the conversation or be unrelated.

To start it off:

"Phil: Happy birthday, Jackson, 39 is it?"

by **Jack Benny** » Sun Mar 12, 2006 7:20 am

Jack: Phil, why do you always question my age? You walk in week after week late for the show, and you don't see me making a big deal about that... well, actually you crawl in, but you get the picture. Let's ask someone impartial...Don, do you think I look one day over 39?

by **Brad from Georgia** » Sun Mar 12, 2006 9:30 pm

Don: Why, Jack, I think you look very well for a man of your age. You have an air of insouciance and joie de vivre that one would be hard-pressed to find even in a thirty-eight year old, a thirty-seven year old, or even a thirty-three year old. And if you add three and three you get six, which happens to represent my favorite flavors of that grand dessert Jell-O: Cherry, strawberry, raspberry, orange, lemon, and lime.

by **Jack Benny** » Mon Mar 13, 2006 12:37 am

Don: ...and if you look closely at the delicious Jello particles you will see that the are so round, so firm, so fully packed! Jello also slides right down your throught because it's so quick and easy on the draw!

by **scottp** » Mon Mar 13, 2006 6:38 am

Dennis:
"Oh, I'm so glad to hear you mention lime. My mother said she heard that green had gone to war!"

by **Brad from Georgia** » Mon Mar 13, 2006 7:01 am

Jack: NOW CUT THAT OUT! Gee, you'd think people would be nice to me on my birthday....

by **shimp scrampi** » Mon Mar 13, 2006 5:41 pm

Mary: Not when you've had this one so many times, Methuselah!

by **scottp** » Mon Mar 13, 2006 6:44 pm

Fred Allen: "You know, Mary, Methuselah was still in short pants when Jack started in vaudeville..."

by **Jhammes** » Tue Mar 14, 2006 10:14 am

Jack: ...Oh, hello Freddy ... by the way, wasn't Methuselah in grade school when you killed vaudeville...?

by **shimp scrampi** » Tue Mar 14, 2006 1:36 pm

(Phone rings, Jack picks it up): Hello? Oh, George, how are you? You want me to tell Fred that Methuselah was working with you in the Peewee quartet long before Vaudeville died? You say you'll vouch for him? ... You think it was the day Fred subbed for Sally Rand doing a fan dance? Yeah, it was hard to tell the difference between those and the bags under his eyes... what with the stage lights and everything ... No, George, I really don't care to hear a chorus of "I'll be Waiting for You Bill When you come back from San Juan Hill"... no, no, not "In the Heart of a Cherry", either... no, really... really...

by **scottp** » Tue Mar 14, 2006 4:25 pm

Mary: "Gee, I wonder if it's too late to get back my job at the May Company?"

by **shimp scrampi** » Tue Mar 14, 2006 5:39 pm

Phil: Livvy, if you can get transferred from hosiery to "distillery", Remley and I'll go with ya!

by **David47Jens** » Tue Mar 14, 2006 9:05 pm

Dennis: "It was hard to tell the difference between what and the bags under Mr. Allen's eyes?"

by **scottp** » Tue Mar 14, 2006 10:42 pm

Jack: NEVER MIND, Dennis... oh, that reminds me-- I need to tell Rochester that Hedy Lamarr called this morning... she said not to use so much starch next time.

by **Brad from Georgia** » Wed Mar 15, 2006 7:14 am

Rochester (picking up phone): Hello, you've reached the home of Jack Benny, star of stage, screen, radio, TV, and whatever they'll think of next. At this same location since 1894, and still only 39. This is Rochester Van Jones speaking, Mr. Benny's manager. How may I help you?

www.jackbenny.org

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