What would Jack say?

[shimp scrampi]

Dennis: OK, Mr. Benny. Mr. Harris suggested I sing one of his hits, "I'm my own Grandpa". I have so many kids it might be true!

[David47Jens]

PHIL: You betcha, kid! And after that, ya might wanna try "That's What I Like About the South," in honor of Miss Okra Winfrey, here!

[David47Jens]

DR. PHIL McGRAW: That's Oprah Winfrey, hambone! Mr. Benny ought to replace you with Norm Crosby!

[David47Jens]

PHIL HARRIS: Oh, izzat so, McGruff? That's a hot one! Now listen here, you Philsie-Come-Lately... I dunno who this Norm Crosby guy is, but it'll be a cold day in Helsinki before Jackson replaces me with anybody named Crosby! Isn't that right, Jackson...? Uhh... Jackson?

[scottp]

Bing Crosby (singing): Where the blue of his eyes, meets the gold in his vault...

[sweyhrich]

Don Wilson: And ladies and gentlemen, before it gets too gold outside, be sure to run down to your neighborhood grocer, and pick up a package of Jell-O. It makes a grand dessert when you feel blue, and it is inexpensive when you have to keep an eye on your budget. Whether you pick strawberry, raspberry, cherry, orange, lemon, or lime, you'll know that Jell-O is a treat! Look for the big red letters on the box.

I thank you!

[Clyde]

BOB Crosby: And it goes good with Manaammaanshevawitz and cimarin rolls!

[scottp]

Jack: Oprah, Oprah... there's something I've wanted to ask you... all these years of doing your television show from Chicago... why haven't you ever done a remote broadcast from Waukegan? You know, one of those "Favorite Son" type shows?

[mrdj]

Oprah: ''I've got something even better for you, Jack! Next week we are having a theme show '' The Heartbreak of Hair Replacement...Toupees Gone Wild.'' Can we book you for Tuesday?

[scottp]

Jack: Hmmm... unfortunately, I'll be in Palm Springs all next week-- and YOU'RE COMING TOO, ROCHESTER!

[sweyhrich]

Rochester: But Boss; my cousin in Chicago is getting married this weekend and I was hoping I could go see her while you go do Oprah's show!

[scottp]

Jack: Your cousin's getting married, a likely story! You can just forget about that-- remember, we're doing that demonstration for Charlie Farrell... if we can get the laundry concession at the Racquet Club we'll be all set!

[sweyhrich]

Rochester: Boss, my hands are so wrinkled from washing the clothes I already do that even the iron can't flatten them out!

[scottp]

Jack: Oh, stop complaining. And see if you can talk Amos and Andy into sending over a few cases of Rinso... Ma Perkins doesn't return my calls anymore.

[sweyhrich]

Rochester: Boss, you'll have to offer them a better payment this time if you want any more of that Rinso stuff. Amos is tired of Jell-O, and Andy says he's no longer nuts about Grape Nuts. I think they're holding out for some L.S.M.F.T., if you ask me!