What's YOUR longest loudest laugh?

[Maxwell]

Shoot! I then forgot to mention my longest hardest laugh!

Mel Blanc's Mexican character (clad in a serape and sombrero on TV) answering "Si" to all of Jack's questions, the routine culminating with:

Jack: What's your name?

Blanc: Cy.

Jack: Cy?

Blanc: Si.

Jack: You have a sister?

Blanc: Si.

Jack: What's her name?

Blanc: Sue.

Jack: Sue?

Blanc: Si.

[shimp scrampi]

It's impossible, they change every day!

From an early 1940s episode:

Jack is wistfully reminiscing about an old girlfriend, "Gussie Bagelquist"

Mary: Is that the girl you sued when she cut you with her buck teeth?

[Brad from Georgia]

On the radio, date unknown:

Bing Crosby is the guest star. Jack and Mary visit him in his home, and they go into the trophy room. The exchange goes something like this, entirely from memory:

Jack: Gee, you sure have a lot of trophies. What's that big one over there?

Bing: That's a moose.

Mary: What's that little one?

Bing: That's a mouse.

Jack: And you killed them both?

Bing: Shot the mouse in Minnesota, trapped the moose behind the refrigerator.

(Huge laugh)

Jack: Gee, in rehearsal that didn't get ANYTHING!

[Roman]

I got a big laugh out of this exchange between Jack and Dennis (from a 1943 show):

Jack: Yessir, I've been flying on planes since I was a baby.

Dennis: But, Mr. Benny, I didn't think they had planes when you were a baby.

Jack: Oh, Dennis, I'm not that old. I'm only twenty, er thirty-nine years old.

Dennis: Gee, when I'm thirty-nine, I hope I look like other people who are thirty-nine.

****************************************************
By the way, I've been listening to the Benny program in chronological order and that was the first time I heard Jack say he was 39.

[FrankNelson]

****************************************************
By the way, I've been listening to the Benny program in chronological order and that was the first time I heard Jack say he was 39.

I just listened to that one a few nights ago---that's from the 11/14/43 show.

I think my biggest laughs are the ones where Jack is made to look ridiculous in front of a big celebrity whom he's trying to impress. For example--in a January 1940 episode, Jack is expecting Barbara Stanwyck to come over and he tells Rochester to take a copy of the works of Shakespeare off of the shelf, dust it off and open it up on the table. He's hoping it'll make an impression on Ms. Stanwyck. Ms. Stanwyck comes over, notices the book and asks Jack, "Do you love Shakespeare?" Jack tells her, "Oh yes---I love to spend my evenings reading 'Macbeth', 'As You Like It' and other Shakespeare plays."

There's a pause and then Rochester says "Well, that's that. Shall I put the book back on the shelf?"

I also love the 2/6/49 show in which he's trying to get on the prestigious Ford Theatre program with Claudette Colbert and Vincent Price and ends up making a fool of himself.

[shimp scrampi]

A recent belly-laugh from a TV episode:

A small 7- or 8- year old boy asks Jack for an autograph:

Boy: You know, Mr. Benny, I play the violin too!

Jack: Gee, that's great, how long have you been playing?

Boy: Two years!

Jack: Terrific, so, do you play like me?

Boy: I used to!

[yesplease]

Kitzel: On the label its sable, in the box its fox
(why is that so funny? it cracks me up)

Oh I love this on its first show and the running gag it becomes
"If I told you once I told you a thousand times don't barge in on the little woman"

And speaking of "Oh shut up"'s , I like the one Mary tells Jack after she hears all the lies Jack has told the Beavers and that last little boy calls him "Mr. President".

These are my favorites right now. Tomorrow I' ll have thought of some more.

Yesplease

[Frank Nelson]

****************************************************
By the way, I've been listening to the Benny program in chronological order and that was the first time I heard Jack say he was 39.

I just listened to that one a few nights ago---that's from the 11/14/43 show.

I think my biggest laughs are the ones where Jack is made to look ridiculous in front of a big celebrity whom he's trying to impress. For example--in a January 1940 episode, Jack is expecting Barbara Stanwyck to come over and he tells Rochester to take a copy of the works of Shakespeare off of the shelf, dust it off and open it up on the table. He's hoping it'll make an impression on Ms. Stanwyck. Ms. Stanwyck comes over, notices the book and asks Jack, "Do you love Shakespeare?" Jack tells her, "Oh yes---I love to spend my evenings reading 'Macbeth', 'As You Like It' and other Shakespeare plays."

There's a pause and then Rochester says "Well, that's that. Shall I put the book back on the shelf?"

I also love the 2/6/49 show in which he's trying to get on the prestigious Ford Theatre program with Claudette Colbert and Vincent Price and ends up making a fool of himself.

There's an imposter on this board!

[mrdj]

One line that cracks me up was done twice that I recall. Once on Jack's show with Vincent Price and again on 'Screen Guild Theater' with Basil Rathbone. The situation is so typically Jack. He is trying to horn in on a leading man part opposite Claudette Colbert. Nobody wants him but he talks himself into an evening rehearsal at Claudette's home.(''Should I come for dinner?''). Anyway, Jack later says ''May the best man win'' and is corrected to the effect that the proper usage is ''may the better man win''. Later, after coffee is served, Jack, trying to sound like a know-it all- suckup says... ''Claudette, this is the BETTER coffee I have ever tasted. I laugh out loud every time I hear that. Basil Rathbone has another line that I love. Jack is out front on his hands and knees repairing the sidewalk and Basil walks by. He notices Jack and says something like ''I always knew you had to be good at something.'' One of the longest laughs to me occurs in the New Year's Eve Show from the late 30's when Jack is going out with on a date, but is stood up. Jack finally stops in at a coffe shop and sits down at the counter. The waitress takes his order, no he doesn't want any pie. Silence for a moment as she says ''I'm sorry about tonight'', a pause, and Jack says ''That's OK, Gladys''. So unexpected, so out of the blue. Jack had such a build up for this girl he was going to be celebrating the new year with with and we find out she had to cover another shift at the diner. I know it was done again. In fact I saw it two weeks ago on ''I Remember Televison''. They had a double feature with Jack going Christmas shopping and driving Mel crazy. It's so strange, the show would have been so different today. Dennis sang his medley of Christmas carols, all religous, and Mel finally walks off camera and shoots himself. Too politically incorrect. But back to topic, there are very few shows that don't have at least one classic line that will always bring out if not an out loud laugh, a great big smile, even if it is the tenth time I have heard it.

[shimp scrampi]

One line that cracks me up was done twice that I recall. Once on Jack's show with Vincent Price and again on 'Screen Guild Theater' with Basil Rathbone. The situation is so typically Jack. He is trying to horn in on a leading man part opposite Claudette Colbert. Nobody wants him but he talks himself into an evening rehearsal at Claudette's home.(''Should I come for dinner?''). Anyway, Jack later says ''May the best man win'' and is corrected to the effect that the proper usage is ''may the better man win''. Later, after coffee is served, Jack, trying to sound like a know-it all- suckup says... ''Claudette, this is the BETTER coffee I have ever tasted. I laugh out loud every time I hear that.

This was done again on TV with Vincent Price and Irene Dunne, also on an AFRS one-off program called "Ham For Sale". From another thread about modern-day performers we'd like to see with Jack - THIS script would be perfect for the great suggestion of Alan Rickman!

[Greg]

Oh I love this on its first show and the running gag it becomes
"If I told you once I told you a thousand times don't barge in on the little woman"

I listen to Jack each morning on my way to work [exactly 30 minute commute and perfect for one episode] and just hit November, 1940. To elaborate on this joke, Don has just gotten married and is inviting everyone over to his house to meet his new wife. Jack suggests that Don phone home to warn his wife that the gang is coming over. Don says no.

So, they head to the house and Don has a change of heart. Maybe it's best if he goes in first. Through a series of excuses, each cast member is allowed into the house. Jack is left outside last, hiding in Don's bushes. It starts to rain and Jack is mugged.

The running joke is: Don! I told you! I told you over and over- call your wife! Don't barge in on the little woman!

It's not that funny on paper, but if you haven't heard this episode in a while, give it a spin. I believe it's from the second half of November, and the joke carries over into the next 2-3 episodes.

-G

[Moose Hatrack]

On a hunting expedition Jack had a guide and the guide's name was... Leaping Goose. This was back in the Morrow-Beloin days. I don't know why, but I snorked a sinus inside out when I heard "Leaping Goose" the first time. I still use it around the house when a kid does something clumsy.
A close second would be the first time I heard the little birdie give Snow White the Bronx Cheer.

[epeterd]

The biggest laugh I've ever had was the episode where their doing the play as country bumpkins and Jack is listing off the different animals they have and Mel does the sound each one makes. Finally he says "and a jackass" and a voice says "How do you do?" I died laughing at that one. Very unexpected, the left turn someone mentioned earlier in this thread. Lotsa funny lines in that one.

peter

[Hank the All-Nite DJ]

1938-11-13 | Jack Steals a Girl From Phil Harris

Phil: I'm not mad about your taking Barbara out.
Jack: Oh not much...
Phil: But if you ever come into my club again and start handing out cards, I'll have you thrown out.
Jack: What cards?
Phil: You know, the ones that say 'Jack Benny - violin lessons and supplies.'
Jack: See? He's trying to change the subject. Oh boy is he sizzling, wahoo!
Phil: Now wait a minute, Jack! Let's get one thing straight, I'm not a bit jealous about Barbara.
Jack: Oh no....no....
Phil: Well, I'm not!
Jack: Oh, heaven forbid....Oh, of course not!
Phil: Look. You took her out Monday night, didn't ya?
Jack: Yeah.
Phil: Well I took her out Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday, whaddya know about that?
Jack: Well, let me tell you something, smarty. It's customary for a fella to send flowers to a girl, isn't it?
Phil: Yeah.
Jack: Well, I haven't seen Barbara since Monday night and yesterday she sent me the most gorgeous box of roses you ever saw!
Phil: Ha ha ha, I know she did!
Jack: Yeah, what are you laughing at?
Phil: I told her you were dead.

Phil's payoff line makes me laugh every time because he goes from laughing at Jack to completely serious

[Jack Benny]

I love the bit where Jack and Phil are on the phone and one of them will say something out of character, then you can hear the other one clanging on the phone "Operator, operator... this must be the wrong number!" Then the same thing happens to the other one and back and forth... just gets funnier and funnier.